The tale of Mr. Medium Shot (a.k.a. Kip the Cage Fighter)

Recently I was on an airplane and we were on our taxi to the runway when from behind there’s a cell phone ring. They guy answers it and carries on a conversation. This is after the flight attendants have announced three (3!) times to turn off all electronic devices.
But, as I have seen, the rules only apply to those who are not as important as Mr Big Shot (which, I might note was sitting in the economy cabin… thus diminishing him to perhaps Mr. Medium Shot). Anyhow…

Electronic devices being used within seconds of our takeoff roll is a real peeve for me because I have read accident reports were interference from electronic devices have caused problems in the communications and navigation equipment. Think about it… the federal regulation exists for a reason. Duh! But Mr. Medium Shot thought nothing of putting the lives of 150+ people in jeopardy.

I turned around in my seat and sternly said “Turn that phone off now!” I stunned him enough that he complied and from the adjacent seats I heard several “Thank you” comments.

When the plane landed, Mr. Medium Shot followed me off the plane and told me I had no right to talk to him like that. I could have asked him nicely. To which I thought… Ya, the three (3!) times the flight attendants asked you nicely worked so well, didn’t it? But I didn’t say anything. I just kept walking

Then Mr. Medium Shot told me his uncle is a pilot and told him that cell phones can’t interfere with the plane’s electronics. To which I thought… Wow, ignorance runs through several stains of your blood line. But I didn’t say anything. I just kept walking.

Seeing he wasn’t getting the response from me that he’d hoped for, Mr. Medium Shot told me he was a cage fighter and he was going to follow me out of the airport and kick my ass. To which I thought… My God, it’s Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. But I didn’t say anything. I just kept walking.

Then Mr. Medium Shot said I yelled at him because I have a small penis and yelling at him made me feel like more of a man. To which I thought… Really? You’re bringing my penis size into this? I must have really wounded your ego when I told you to turn off your phone.

Mr. Medium Shot realized he wasn’t provoking me as he’d wished. This made him even more angry so he started pushing me and poking me. Lord, is this buffoon really going to start a fight with me right here in the terminal. I could not help be imagine how he much struggle with the relationships in his life. I thought about asking him about it. But I didn’t say anything. I just kept walking.

Mr. Medium Shot then got more verbal and more physical. As he was so focused on his aggression he failed to realize then while I was walking… with my eyes focused straight ahead, I was on a quest. A quest to find an Atlanta police officer and when I did, I walked right up to him as Mr. Medium Shot continued to berate me, not even taking notice of the police officer standing there.

I politely told the officer what happened on the plane, to which Mr. Medium Shot told the offer I should not have spoken to him in the tone of voice that I did. The police officer then said to Mr. Medium Shot… Do you realize that having your cell phone on after the boarding door closes is a federal offense?

As Mr. Medium Shot stuttered and stammered to come up with a response, I politely thanked the officer for helping to ensure Mr. Medium Shot would not follow me out of the airport and assault me, as he had promised. Then Mr. Medium Shot turned his anger toward the officer. I just giggled and walked away. I was probably 100 feet down the corridor when I looked back and there were now two officers talking to Mr. Medium Shot.

As I walked to my connecting gate, I had to smile inside at the irony of it all... not about what happened... rathar that I was able to keep my mouth shut as he gave me so many opportunities to fire back some really funny one-liners.

Fire Chief (ret.) Richard B. Gasaway, PhD, EFO, CFO, MICP
www.RichGasaway.com