TMI... TMI...!

I was sitting in a cafeteria this morning. It wasn’t very busy. I was multitasking (eating breakfast and reading). At the next table were three men. I wasn’t eavesdropping on their conversation, but it was quiet in there and it was hard not to overhear their conversation. One started to share a story, in vivid detail, about a problem he had with an infected tooth and how it required a root canal. He did not spare any of the details. I’m not a big fan of dental work and it was not a pleasant conversation to listen to. I contemplated moving, but I didn’t.

After he finished his story, there was a lull in the conversation and then, as if there was a contest to outdo each other, another fellow decided he’d tell the story of his recent medical procedure, a proctoscopy (a.k.a. the garden hose up the back-side procedure). As he started into the story, my brain was screaming “TMI… TMI! Too Much Information!” Why in God’s name would a man share, with his friends, in a public place, the intimate details of this painful experience at the proctologist’s office? And while I'm on the subject... what possesses a person to want to be that kind of doctor? Of all the doctors you can be...? I hope it pays well. For me... there's not enough money in the world. Anyhow... back on point... if there is one...

There should be a protocol for what topics can be discussed in a public place where food is served. Suddenly, the bagel sitting in front of me conjured up images of body parts of which I do not speak. I couldn’t take it any more. I had to leave… and the bagel went in the trash.

A record of Guinness proportions

Being affiliated in the fire and emergency medical services allows me to see, and hear about, the best and worst that humankind has to offer. I have witnessed great acts of bravery and incredible acts of stupidity. After 30 years in the business, not to many things surprise me any more. But this one did.

I was talking with an associate who shared a story with me about an ambulance call they were on. Sorry, due to HIPPAA regulations, I can’t share much in the way of details. They were called to a report of an intoxicated person having difficulties. When the ambulance arrived, the police were already on-scene. They entered the house and found a conscious, yet obviously intoxicated man. He was cooperative, but not particularly coherent in his conversation. The police officer informed the ambulance crew that the PBT would not register the alcohol level, which means it was rather high. But it is how high that is the basis of this story. A blood test at the hospital confirmed his BAC to be .775 which is almost TEN TIMES the legal limit.

I personally had never seen a patient above .40 in all my years as an EMT and paramedic. In fact, I didn’t know anyone could live with a BAC above .50. According to the University of Texas, a person with a BAC of .40 to .50 will become comatose and the mortality rate is high.

In case you've not been exposed to many drunks in your life, there are two kinds of drunks... happy drunks and mean drunks. When happy drunks get pickled, they want to hug everyone and tell them how much they love them. Some even cry because they are overwhelmed with how much you mean to them. It's not very enjoyable, but it's harmless. Then there are the mean drunks. When mean drunks get sauced, they want to fight everyone and show everyone how tough they are. These are the ones who usually end up in jail or the hospital. At least this guy was a happy drunk and told the EMS crew repeatedly how much he loved them. It's nice to hear you're loved once in a while... even if it's coming from someone whose breath would ignite if exposed to an open flame.

This guy had to set a new record for the State of Minnesota… maybe even a national record. Hmm… does this earn him a spot in the Guinness Book?... not the Guinness of world record fame… but the Guinness of beer fame. Surely at the very minimum he’d get an invitation to dine with the governor or garner an appearance on the Tonight Show. I do not condone the excessive use alcohol but a BAC of .775 is indisputably impressive. Smart?… no. Impressive?… yes. Please enjoy your suds responsibly. Remember, when you are drunk, gravity is not your friend and you never know how your friends will take advantage of you.

http://www.richgasaway.com/
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